Gross Food I Ate When I Was a Kid

One Stop.

Thu, 15 Dec 2011 12:52:20 -0500

I was in love with the idea of time efficiency as a kid, so to speed up mealtimes, I would eat my dinner and dessert at the same time. This consisted of making pasta, and when it was still nice and warm, dumping ice cream into it and mixing it around.

It tasted like wrong.

Malnourished Kid

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:54:49 -0400

My parents didn’t really cook for us too often so we had to fend for ourselves. Here are some of my grossest:

- slices of cucumbers with spicy brown mustard and raisins

- mustard sandwiches (yep, just yellow mustard on white bread in my lunchbox)

- Cool Whip sandwhiches (just replace the mustard from above with Cool Whip)

- cans of cherry pie filling (my dad encouraged this by buying cases for me when they were on sale)

- fried Cheerios (melt globs of butter in a pan, then add Cheerios and fry)

2 obsession made for one gross one

Thu, 07 Apr 2011 04:40:35 -0400

When i was younger i had love for two things…bananas and mayonaise…hence the banana and mayonaise sandwhich. white bread of course. Needless to say it was the grossest. If I even see one of those things nowadays i’d probably barf until the point of no recovery. I may have actually repressed the memory of it. Your blog brought it back to life.

Pepperoni Sandwiches

Sat, 26 Mar 2011 22:14:45 -0400

I used to take a pack of those Hormel pepperoni, spread them out on a paper plate, microwave them for a minute or so and then eat them plain, or if I really wanted to class it up, pile them between two slices of bread. And I wondered why they called me Fatrick.

Homemade Orange Julius

Sat, 26 Mar 2011 21:59:08 -0400

I loved Orange Julius as a kid- it was all frothy and orangy and delicious, so we decided to try and make them at home. We actually tried a mix my Mom had bought at first, but it didn’t really work, so instead we:

- took an orange and peeled it

- smashed the shit out of the orange

- put the orange in the bottom of a huge glass and poured sugar on top of it

-poured milk and melty icecream on top of that

-stir and attempt to drink!

Potted meat concoction

Sat, 26 Mar 2011 20:42:38 -0400

ok I have all these beat. I use to open a can of potted meat mix with mayo to make it creamy and add diced pickles then spread between two slices of bread. Yum yum. Wouldn’t dream of eating that now!!

Cracker Stackers

Sat, 05 Mar 2011 06:08:47 -0500

As children, my grandma used to serve us saltine crackers layered with butter and cream cheese. We still eat them to this day.

What the hell is all over the toaster?

Tue, 01 Mar 2011 05:03:16 -0500

I used to make hot bologna sandwiches by toasting bread and putting the bologna on top of the toaster to heat it up. The best part was the top edge of the bread that caught the hot bologna juice dripping down… mmmm tasty

Bubbly Icecream

Thu, 24 Feb 2011 02:49:52 -0500

My brother and I used to love to stir and stir our ice cream until it was smooth like soft serve. One day we got tired of stirring and thought the microwave would do a better job. So we stuck a few heaping scoops in the microwave and waited for it to bubble. Then we would enjoy our warm ice cream soup! Mint chip was the best. Eeew.

Syrup Grahams

Wed, 16 Feb 2011 07:15:48 -0500

This is super gross. I really really loved graham cracker crumbs as a kid. I used to pour that stuff in a bowl, pour maple syrup all over it, mix it all together, make balls out of the concoction, smush the balls flat with a fork, put them in a tupperware container, and chill them until they became solid pancakes of terrible.

The worst part is how much time and effort I had to put into making them. This wasn’t a sudden craving I had to fill, this as a recipe.

Chocolate Conversations

Mon, 14 Feb 2011 15:07:52 -0500

In honor of Valentine’s Day, how about this one? I used to melt chocolate in a coffee mug and then toss conversation hearts into the mug. Then I would eat the sugar-infested mess with a spoon. Apparently some people like to eat them so that they can read the words on the hearts, but that just seems weird to me.

Cranberry Straws

Sun, 13 Feb 2011 13:20:27 -0500

I used to beg my mom to buy cans of jellied cranberry sauce. Since it was only available around Thanksgiving, I requested 10 to 12 cans per year to keep me going.

Then I would take a plastic straw, open the can, and dig the straw into the cranberry sauce, so that I ended up wiht a straw full of worm-shaped cranberry sauce. Then I would do my best to suck out the cranberry sauce in one piece.

I didn’t have a lot of friends.

You ate what?

Sun, 13 Feb 2011 11:45:36 -0500

when my son was young he was a picky eater. If anyone made a face or derogatory comment of any kind about a certain “if-y” food, such as peas, he would refuse to even try them. One day while in the care of his grandmother he was being a typical 5 year old without a nap; whiny, irritable, and cranky. At lunch she asked what he wanted and he told her. To keep peace she made it for him. Peanut butter, jelly, mustard and bologna sandwich. It was a shock at first- I mean who eats that stuff? He ate it for lunch everyday for many years, dropping the peanut butter early on (you know, because that was the strange ingredient).

The Grandma BB Special

Thu, 10 Feb 2011 16:13:57 -0500

Growing up, I learned to love tuna salad, uncontroversially consisting of tuna, mayo and relish. I typically ate it in a sandwich.

One time when I was about 10, I was staying at my grandparents’ cabin in northern MN, and my grandmother was making me lunch. I requested a tuna sandwich, and she added some carrot sticks and peanut butter to my plate. For some reason there was a slice of American cheese on there as well. I did what any inquisitive youngster might do with two (three) great tastes, and sought to find whether they tasted great together.

So:

The Grandma BB Special

tuna salad
slice of American cheese
peanut butter
carrot sticks, thin
layer all of the above in a sandwich, cut into square quarters
enjoy more than you expected
request on future visits to the lake

Confessionally, I still enjoy this sandwich from time to time. It is way less gross than it sounds. I’ve heard of putting carrots in tuna salad, and putting cheese on a tuna sandwich isn’t all that uncommon, so the real surprise here is how well the tuna and peanut butter play together.

Ham and Egg

Tue, 08 Feb 2011 03:00:00 -0500

When I was a kid I used to, for breakfast, fry and egg and put it between two thick slices of ham. If the egg was too slick with oil, I would stick it to the ham slices with grape jelly. It tasted like heaven.

I loved Spagettios. More than I should have. I wanted to eat them all the time, but I also wanted...

Fri, 04 Feb 2011 17:03:17 -0500

I loved Spagettios. More than I should have. I wanted to eat them all the time, but I also wanted to have my own cooking show, so I would sometimes set up a bunch of ingredients and make my own variation of Spagettios while narrating and telling funny little anecdotes. Usually I would just add cans of corn, shredded cheese, and cans of peas to the Spagettios, but I would always tell an awesome joke to my audience while the microwave was running.

I never taped these TV shows. I just basically talked to myself in my kitchen while making disgusting food.

Hershey's Peanut Butter drink

Fri, 04 Feb 2011 17:03:13 -0500

As a latch-key kid I had time to make all sorts of stuff. one of my favorites was taking a Hershey’s chocolate bar and putting it in one of those tacky Tupper-Ware tall cups that came in weird off colors like fuchsia and teal, add a big spoonful of Peanut-Butter and stick it in the micro-wave until it was liquid. Then I would drink it all! I ruined all of those stupid plastic cups one by one!

Chicken cookies

Thu, 03 Feb 2011 15:42:01 -0500

When I was about 3 years old I would eat those frozen Chicken patties. For the longest time I thought they looked like sugar cookies. They were more addictive than weed laced crack LOL. So gross

Submit/Confess!

Mon, 31 Jan 2011 16:28:50 -0500

We wanna hear from you! If you made some disgusting concoctions when you were a kid, email them to me at grosskidfood@gmail.com, or just submit them here! It’ll make you feel better about all the horrible ways you used Velveeta, I promise.

Broccoli Sandwiches

Mon, 31 Jan 2011 16:16:34 -0500

I went through a phase when I was a kid of wanting to eat super healthy, but I had no idea what that meant. I just knew I liked broccoli when it was covered with Velveeta. So I decided to take a brick of Velveeta, cut it into slices, and put microwaved broccoli in between those slices, making tiny broccoli sandwiches. It was best if the warm broccoli melted the cheese juuuust a bit.

It smelled like farts.